Part two: The untold truth: Control or destroy

Written by Joy Kuo

India Pilgrimage

In early 2017 most of the devotees were invited for an India Pilgrimage trip. It was about 3 weeks long. They took us to the Ganges River, Lord Shiva, Krishna and Hanumanji’s (Indian deities) temples; we also went to a few major Swaminarayan temples in West India. The wife told the Sankhyayogis (female saints) in the Swaminarayan temples we are the Satsangis (Swaminarayan’s devotees), the Sankhyayogis were very impressed to see a group of foreigners to be Satsangis, but they didn’t know what was really happening behind the scenes. During the trip we were asked to make cash contributions as a group for different temples and also for some stuff the wife bought.

It was a very intensive trip, the wife kept saying Shreeji Maharaj (Bhagwan Swaminarayan) was giving up on the FITs and left the decision to her whether to cancel the FIT program or not, she told us she could twist Shreeji Maharaj’s arms and make decisions. We were asked to reflect on our “Mr. Bean’s consciousness / white-ass mentalities” at the end of the trip and got scolding’s for the “mistakes” we made. Later on in one of the “discourses” she mentioned that the “white people” born outside India have lost their skin colour and are not even included in the 4 castes, they are the lowest because they are not even the 5th class (i.e. no class), I felt the teaching created hierarchy within the group because of the skin colour.

The wife was also hinting to initiate the only male among the devotees to be the Santo (saint), and the rest of the female students to be the Sankhyayogis (female saint), and was talking about the designs of the clothes and building temples as another big vision. They wanted to build a Mandir (Indian temple) in New Zealand and each of us was to contribute about US$1,000+ for the Mandir project; earlier the wife purchased approximatelyUS$15,000~20,000 worth of Sarees(Indian women’s dress) in another India trip and said they were the Prasadis (the items used by the Indian God/Deity) and the devotees were asked to make contributions. The financial contribution collected by this couple came in many forms; it could accumulate to a great amount over a long period of time.

Not long after the Indian trip, the wife made a big scene about canceling the FIT program and the couple stopped wearing Kanthi/Chandlo and not doing Aarti that made us feel very guilty. Then there was a gradation created within this group that was divided into “Deeksha team” (closest to the couple), “core team” and “support team”, an obvious hierarchy structure that the “Deeksha team” had the most privilege to communicate with the wife directly and pass on the instructions to other teams, the support team received the least information.

After coming back to Australia from the India Pilgrimage, there was a period of time I felt like I had been hypnotized, I couldn’t stay awake and dozed off twice when driving from the shopping centre back to my home which was only 20 mins away, the first time I drove to the opposite lane and the second time I hit the safety island and damaged my car just before I went to the “Ashram” in Auckland.

What happened when I stayed in the Ashram

Before I was targeted, I was considered very devoted and had been praised by the wife (Sree Maa) quite often in the group; therefore my impression was I’ve been doing the right thing most of the time. As a normal human being I’m not perfect and knew I had occasionally made “mistakes” (by their standard), but I always tried my best to correct myself to meet their “standards” which kept changing from time to time. I always felt nervous and had to be extremely careful when sending out any messages or emails because the wife might reply with very vague answers and I had to guess the meaning sometimes, as I felt it’s rude to ask the same question over and over again; sometimes she would throw back with harsh scolding language if I didn’t reply “properly”.

I was in the “good book” in this group most of the time until I went to stay in the “Ashram”. In mid-2017 I was asked by the wife to go to Auckland to show the Indian and Singapore devotees how to serve the couple. I offered to stay back to offer my “seva” (selfless service) consequently I missed two flights and ended up staying in the “Ashram” for 3 months. I sacrificed the time with my family again because I wanted to serve the couple as much as I could, but didn’t realize I would become the next target. The situation was getting worse the longer I stayed.

At the beginning of my stay there were lots of “discourses” mainly scolding and reprimanding the Indian & Singapore devotees that were still living with them. The other two local devotees had moved out and left the group one month before I arrived in Auckland, one of them was literally running away and refuses any contact whatsoever.  During the stay I had to wake up by 6.30 a.m. daily but often went to bed post mid-night as there were long hours of “discourses” nearly every day. The wife always said there wasn’t much work to do in the Ashram but she would give more and more tasks than the devotees were able to cope with on a daily basis. There was not much rest during the day. If tasks were not finished by meeting the “standard” or following the “instruction” you would most likely receive her “discourses”. It was a very intensive experience living in the Ashram, I tried very hard not to make “mistakes” for every single movement, everything I said, every message I sent and to “please” the couple while not having enough sleep all the time.

At the beginning I still had a room to sleep in on the floor with blankets, in the second half of the stay I only had the option to sleep on the sofa or go down stairs to sleep on the floor in an open space next to a pool table. At that time I wasn’t aware I’d been treated like a slave because I was not the only one.

I did every possible thing in the best way I could to serve the couple including cooking 2-3 meals every day. I also did lots of hand-craft projects assigned by the wife to decorate their small Mandir in the Ashram, making beds, clearing the bathroom and toilet used by the couple, attended meetings online or physically doing what was needed. During my “confession” sessions I was still being accused for “cutting corners” for the “seva” (services) because I was expected to do “every task” perfectly in the Ashram. They picked faults/flaws on me for nearly everything. I had no job for two years and was still contributing for some of the expenses while staying in the Ashram, apparently offering my “time and labour” were not considered as “contribution”. Later on I got drilled so much because of the “money” issues, this is only reflecting what’s most important to the couple. In 2017, alone there was more than $20,000 out of my and my husband’s pockets contributed to this group.

The wife often changed what she said and gave different instructions for the same task, applied different standards to different devotees at different times. Being the “Absolute” they are always right and the devotees had to learn the couple’s “likes” and “dislikes” to please them, and follow their Agnya (divine order) to get a better chance for going to the “Akshardham”. She often said Shreeji Maharaj (the Indian Deity) had given up on us and only a few can “make it” this implied the devotees need to work harder to fight for their spots for the “soul liberation”.

I remember clearly one day the wife told me “I’ll make sure you fail” but I didn’t understand what she meant at that time. When I look back on the whole process I realize they had set many traps for me to fall into so that they could blame me for whatever I did. Before I left NZ in early Sep 2017 they made me believe I had made lots of big mistakes and had to start writing my reflection/confession letters. I felt very sad and worried when I left NZ and was afraid of what they were going to do with me. At that time I was still naive and believed they were the only saviors and I would have no future if I leave the group, so I was following their instructions with lots of fear.

Forced Confessions

After I came back to Australia, the “Deeksha team” started to contact me, asking me to write my reflection/confession letters, I was struggling to write the letters, because my main intention was to spread their work/mission to the world that I worked very hard for.  

I started with writing a detailed financial report for the “Ashram grocery expenses” including all the images, and text messages from WhatsApp group chats to prove I wasn’t the “perpetrator”, the wife was extremely angry at me after reading my report and said I was passing on the blame to other devotees. I understand now it was actually underlying the couple’s fear that I was able to give full evidence in that I was able to collect and present it to them. I believe it triggered what they did to me later on to destroy all the factual evidence at my end.

After I submitted the financial report, the Singapore student called me to write the confession letters, i.e. only to write the worst intentions for everything I did, and how I manipulated everything as well as people in details in order to “come clean”. The Singapore student told me earlier in her experience just say “yes” and admit everything they said, this is what she hinted me to do, because the couple could “read” the subconscious mind that we are not aware of.

Later on they sent me a 14-page“report”written by the Singapore student listing every single area of “misconduct” that I supposedly did in the Ashram. Altogether there were 128 bullet points to accuse me for many minor things. Some of them I wasn’t even aware of doing, and most of them were not even true. In the meantime I was threatened and given a time pressure to write my confession letters, so I ended up copying what the Singapore student wrote about me in my letters. I felt horrified that I was forced to write a lot of bad things about myself that I couldn’t even identify if they were real in the end. I felt like being in a pressure cooker and couldn’t find my way out.

The wife kept saying I hadn’t come clean, so I had to keep writing and keep attending confession/questioning sessions a few times a week. I was asked to fill out a few different questionnaires, one of them was a “behavioral chart”, they kept returning back to me (for 3 times) and asked me to revise and change the figures, so I ended up putting the figures high enough for every questions, finally I fitted into the “malignant narcissist” category. Every targeted student in the P.R.O.C.E.S.S was labelled for various types of “narcissists”, the vocabulary I actually learned only from this group.

If I hadn’t gone through these intensive confession process/sessions, I wouldn’t be able to comprehend the depth of manipulations this couple did to the devotees, I felt sorry for those students targeted before me because I chose to believe the couple and played the role to go against the targeted ones by following the leaders “instructions” along with others in the group.

How the Devotees are Brainwashed

During these 5 years of volunteer work for this group, I worked closely with the only male student living in Sydney. He was also drawn to this energy work/mission from the very beginning, and we both registered as the directors of “Kosmic Fusion Australia” company since early 2014 mainly for tax return purposes and he had been playing a supporting role to run the events that we worked on together most of the time. We discussed and both agreed with whatever we did together. We had good times from running the events, of course there were disagreement at times but they were often sorted eventually to move on with the events planned. There were also some other volunteers involved but not as much as me and him. In the first couple of years we were considered being the “pillar” in Australia. During the retreat he also received his spiritual name which is well-known as the greatest devotee of Lord Ram (Indian Deity).

After I moved to the Central Coast in 2016, I invited this male devotee to set up a “Holistic Freedom Wellness Centre” in our house so we didn’t have to organize a venue all the time for Kosmic Fusion Meetup meditation and workshops. The male devotee and a “Pulsar” agreed to come to help with the renovation, each time my husband and I took them to nice restaurants to thank them for their assistance, later on I was blamed by the wife for not giving them “money” that I was exploiting the Kosmic Fusion “resources” without asking for the couple’s “permission” to ask for help.

The male devotee and I also registered as partnership in business and we had equal share for all the expenses and profits for events we ran together. To me he was the most reliable person among the Sydney devotees, and we became like close friends from working closely during these 5 years, I treated him like my family, but during my confession sessions, the wife accused me that I “abused” and “exploited” the male devotee for 5 years and I had to write all the “manipulations” I did to him.

After 2 months’ intensive confession sessions I was threatened with so much fear and forced to confess, they put words in my mouth to say forced things that were lies. Can you imagine what I had to go through to be forced to say “I couldn’t get into his paints so I got into his head”, imagine being forced to say this.

This male devotee became fully under their control, and brainwashed, he said “I will go to jail/hell” just to bring me down, because he will go to the police and court “give evidence” for whatever the wife accused me of. Everything in the end became my “manipulations” only and he was the “ultimate victim”. It was very clear to me they wanted to break the male devotee’s trust in me and to tear both of us apart because we always worked together as a team, We were “banned” to contact each other forever by the “LEADER”.

I felt very sad to see someone I worked closely with for 5 years suddenly having enormous hatred against me, in his Facebook post on 22 June 2018, this male devotee defamed me with so many twisted stories. Why he didn’t mention that he borrowed money from me before? In Oct/Nov 2017 I transferred $4,355 to pay off Kosmic Fusion Australia’s bank account under his name. I’m not surprised why he did this to me, I don’t blame him just hoping one day he will wake up and see the truth.

One of the Indian devotees working as a flight attendant in Dubai had slapped me in the face the most. She suddenly returned equivalent US$ 450 to my PayPal account in June 2018 and emailed me she didn’t want to receive any money from my “fake” contribution. When I asked about the NZ $5,800 she received from me in Nov 2017, she gave a long twisted story and was reluctant to return the money back, I emailed back and told her there is no need to give excuses to conflict what she said in the first place, she could keep the money that was contributed to the couple for June 2017 rental (NZ$ 3800) and grocery expenses (NZ$ 2000) for the Ashram. In reality who is taking who’s money?

Same with other devotees, during the confession I was under pressure to reveal how I “manipulated” or ‘bullied” each individual devotee/volunteer and there is enormous hatred projected on me; I am not surprised, they were brainwashed to defame me on their Face book messages. I feel sorry for them because I used to be one of them who were instructed how to treat the targeted ones, I totally understand what it was like.